So, I've come to a realization recently...there are a lot of very uncertain things in this world that we encounter everyday. Am I going to fall off my bike on my way to class? Will I meet someone new today? Will that person be a good friend? A future spouse, perhaps? Will anyone I know do anything spectacular? And how in Bill Nye's name do clouds stay up in the air?
I'm kinda tired of these uncertainties. The idea of not knowing what comes next, the suspense, it's killing me! But I've realized that it's an inevitable and ultimately crucial part of life. Now you may ask, "Crucial? What's so crucial about leading a life of uncertainty? What's so important about not knowing what comes next?" Well, your name here, I'm glad you asked! It is my belief that the uncertainty of life is the key to relinquishing your iron-like grip on the reins of your day-to-day grind.
Now, you may or may not have read my previous (and coincidentally only other blog post from like 4 months ago), but a chunk of it discussed the idea that my lifestyle of selfish living got me into the nastiest, dirties, muddiest mental rut of my life. Now you may say, "Well of course! That's karma because selfishness is bad, and you're a bad bad man." And you may be right in saying that. But stop and think for a second on how fine of a line, if any line at all, separates selfish living and attempting to control our own future. I would argue that you cannot attempt to control your life without exerting an air of selfishness in anything you do. Don't get me wrong, you can point yourself in the right direction and hope it leads to where you want, for example: study alot-->get good grades-->get into a good school--> maybe get a sweet job someday. And there's nothing inherently wrong with that. But that's not what I'm talking about, necessarily. I'm talking about attempting to achieve surety and a definitive path towards what is best for you. Why is this selfish? Because who in the world are you to know what is best for you? Seriously! And if that question pisses you off, then I would sincerely like to meet you, because that means that in every plan and action you have set out for yourself, you have succeeded. But not just that; you have succeeded and lived perfectly. Does that sound like you? Then PLEASE comment here so I can meet the faultless human and help you get yourself into the Guinness Book or Time Magazine or something.
Now, over the past year and a half I have found myself investing in my most wild thoughts and desires. As I stood on the edge of each rabbit hole of desire I found myself convinced, each and every time, that there is no way I'm wrong, this is the best path for me, or at least there's no way the cons outweighed the pros. Each time, I was wrong. I found that every rabbit hole I dove head first into (the Russian judge gave me an 9-out-of-10) ended up full of acid that scalded and scraped away my morality, my judgement, and my sense of purpose in life. My desire for control over my own life led me to lie, cheat, and become angry. It led me to drink Nicaraguan gutter water, vomit (not because of the gutter water), and intensely hurt my friends. My moral compass looked like I had attached electromagnet to it. I don't call this "bad judgement", I call it "being human", which goes hand-in-hand with "weakness". Humans are sinful and weak, some just slightly less weak than others.
Now, after that mass of depressing insight into my past, allow me to cut to the chase (I put that phrase in there solely for that link). At the beginning of this blog I made the statement that the uncertainty of life is crucial. I think a better phrasing might be, not fighting life's uncertainty is crucial. Fighting life's uncertainties, as I did, is like putting two south ends of a magnet together; they violently veer in the wrong direction from each other. In this case, however, one magnet is ten billion times larger than the other. Only one is being pushed in the wrong direction, and I'll give you a hint as to which one; it's not life's uncertainties. The good news is that there's no need to worry about the uncertainties because the future will take care of itself, you don't have to babysit it, I promise. Doesn't that sound like a nice load of responsibility off your chest?
Here comes the hard part: letting go. Letting go of planning out every moment, letting go of assumptions, letting go of absolute self-assurity (not self-confidence, they're different), letting go of worries. You have to loosen up on that steering wheel a bit. You have to be O.K. with letting life run it's course sometimes rather than you trying to run it's course for it. Live in the now and enjoy it! Maybe listen to a little .38 Special. It's my belief that the only truly successful way to do this is by seeking a relationship with God and putting Him first in your life. This is because a relationship with God, is really not about you, it's about Him, and the things He has done for you. It is the polar opposite of selfishness and narcissism. And I believe that God's the only one who knows what's truly best for you. You may disagree, and that's fine. If you can think of another way let go and leave selfishness behind, by all means give it a shot. By the way, from my personal experience as well as anyone I've talked to, drugs, sex, and alcohol are not successful ways to do this. When used as a staple in your life, they are just more acid-filled rabbit holes.
Let the uncertainties be uncertain, let selfishness die, watch the rabbit holes get filled in, get a good whiff of the present tense, and smile once in a while, because Hey! Those clouds STILL haven't fallen out of the sky!
Luke 12:22-34, Do Not Worry.
Luke 12:22-34, Do Not Worry.