The banana blog? Yeah, I agree, it's kinda weird...alright, it's really weird. It's especially weird because the things I write about will more than likely not discuss bananas in depth. I just decided I wanted to pick up a random hobby of carving bananas and using them to portray and enhance the expressions of my thoughts as I post on this site. I feel like sometimes they might be a bit of stretch, a gimmick, perhaps. But a fun gimmick nonetheless. This will sometimes be about my life, sometimes the world, sometimes my thoughts, and sometimes my thoughts about my life in relation to the world. I hope you enjoy it!
My first attempt at banana carving...let's hope it improves.
Blog #1, I guess I'll get kinda real with you guys; I feel a lot like this little banana man. I feel a bit lobotomized these days. I feel like my life, my nice little simple life that I've grown comfortable with over the course of 19 years, is becoming...frustrating? Confusing? Unsatisfying? Maybe a combination of the three. Let's call it "bananafying" because I don't know of a single word to help me out here. So my life, as of July 1, 2013 is bananafying, and the fact that I just made that statement should give you a little insight into my lobotomized brain.
My life? I'm a 20 year-old man (thankfully that part, thus far, is not the bananafying bit). I am a suburbanite living just outside of Philly. I am a Christian. I am a musician. I love animals. But, anybody who knows me could tell you those things. Anyone. What they might not have been able to tell you is that over the past year my brain has felt like is peeling away piece by piece(another banana reference. I'm getting good at these). My grasp on exactly who I am and where I am going is diminishing. I feel my integrity slip daily, my drive for life stall out, and my joy contort itself into something unrecognizable. I have stopped seeking comfort and solace from the only source that has brought healing and hope SO deep into my soul that...well, I just sat here for a few minutes without being able to come up with some awesome metaphor, but let me tell you, the source is God, and he heals real deep.
Not turning to the one thing, the one person, that I am sure would remedy the situation? Maybe I'm self-sabotoging. Yeah. That wouldn't surprise me. But it also comes down to the fact that I'm selfish. WOAH! Big shock right there. A human being is selfish?! The Philadelphia Inquirer is already en route! But seriously, though, once I realized that blatantly obvious fact, many things became clear. The biggest was that my selfishness and self-centeredness is the base that holds up my crooked Jenga tower of issues. I realized that none of the problems that seem to be plaguing me should be all that shocking. The more I started living for myself the more demons I permitted into my life, and they were all visible from a mile away. No binoculars needed. I was just too selfish to do anything about them. These things feel good for a while, but they NEVER fail to bite you in the ass.
My life is bananafying. But I'm on a mission from God. A mission to relinquish my tight grip on my life and shake off my selfishness. A mission to seek the only one who I could ever fathom as able to get me out of this mess that I, and only I, made. It won't be perfect, but it'll definitely be interesting! And I'm really looking forward to seeing how this all plays out! Hollah!
